Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
