I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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