I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
