I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You can't motorboat a personality
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
