i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
