thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
