I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
