did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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