I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
