so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
