You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
