Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
