I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
