the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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