Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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