can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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