Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
