My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
