My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I will be naked everywhere
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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