I just pynch a tree in the face
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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