Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
