I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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