singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
