Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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