She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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