I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
