i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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