my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
