I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
