were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
