that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
