Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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