textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
