why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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