Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
