FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The air was thick with penises
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
