So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Floor bacon is actually really good
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This can only be settled by a dance off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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