i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
