i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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