just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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