What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
