I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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