I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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