Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
