call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
