omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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