Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
