My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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