You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
