yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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