Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
