A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we're making bets on your personal life
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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