she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
