All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize