Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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