The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
