So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize