I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
