A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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