I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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