She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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