Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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