pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
