I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
